i like you.

4:09:00 PM

there are 26 letters in the english alphabet and 171,476 words in the oxford english dictionary and yet i couldn’t think of the right words to describe what i feel for you. 

it’s a tongue-tied, knees-go-weak, butterflies-fill-my-stomach kind of thing. you get me high on adrenaline by a simple smirk. a simple touch. a simple laugh. when it’s you, all clich├Ęs come into life. 

you got me smiling on little things. trying new things. laughing. praying. writing. you got me doing things. you got me believing in myself. you got me. 

i don’t like you. i don’t like your indecisiveness. i don’t like how you leave me hanging. i don’t like how you ghost me. 

but i do like you. 

i like your smile. how you think. how you simply care. how you can sing and dance when i ask you to (and even when i don’t). how you help without being asked to. how you do your best in almost everything you do. how important your family is to you. 

i like you, i do. 

when i grow up

6:15:00 AM

am i too old to say, “when i grow up, i want to be....”? i am but i don’t care. 

when i grow up, i want to take care of people and animals. i don’t know how, but  i just want to. i discovered that i am not the kind of person who can sit behind a desk all day. i want to help. i want to keep moving. i want to keep learning. when i grow up, i want to visit countries and volunteer. when i grow up, i want to be able to contribute. i want to be able to help beings who are less fortunate than i am. i want to use my privilege in any way that i can. 

when i grow up, i’ll probably have chickens and dogs and cats and pigs as housemates.... and i think i’m more than okay with that. when i grow up, i want to be able to learn that “home” is not a place, but a feeling. when i grow up, i want to be able to make people smile and laugh. i want to make people realize that animals’ lives are as important as humans. 

when i grow up, i’ll volunteer as much as i can. learn as much as i can. i want to see not just the world, but also it inhabitants, because they are what really matters. do i volunteer as a teacher, a doctor, a veterinarian? i don’t know yet, but somehow i know this is what i want to do when i grow up. 

8:11:00 AM

boxes are made for things, not people.

7:19:00 AM

one of my favorite things in the world is waking up in the middle of the night 
realizing that you are sleeping in my arms
i watch your chest falling and rising 
and i can't stop smiling
at the thought 
that i get to be the person to hold you like this
that i get to be the person who gets your stinky, morning kiss
and i miss this
when you're not here 
to have pillows 
instead of you
but now you're here 
and i'm free of sorrows 
and i cannot even think of
of time ticking
of hours running
and everything has become nothing
as i watch you smiling
in my arms, 

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