5:08:00 AM


When people discover that I'm an atheist, they assume that I've never prayed, read the bible or went to church. Of course, I'll instantly say, "Of course I've read the bible!" or "I know what's inside of a church looks like!" I've always find it funny when people think I grew up an atheist. 

Growing up, I believed in god. I believed in heaven and hell and angels and all that shit. I went to church in 'proper' dresses every Sunday. I prayed before eating, before going to bed... I prayed every day. I remember that sometimes, I get nervous and afraid because I forgot to pray. I remember wearing little too short clothes and people saying that it's a sin. And every time I accidentally committed a sin, I was afraid that I was going to hell and burn there forever. 

If there's one thing religion taught my eight-year old self, it's TO BE AFRAID. It taught me to be ignorant- to not ask for an explanation. This is the only reasoning I got: "If the bible says it's right, it's right. If the bible says it's wrong, it's wrong." As a little child who was scared to death of dying and burning in hell forever, that was enough. When I was a kid, I believed that obeying the bible was more important than being considerate to others. I was judgmental. I was blinded by the idea of heaven and eternal life. 

And then.. I grew up. I started thinking. Really thinking. What I did was, I put aside religion and thought about things thoroughly using the things I learn and the people I meet everyday. I started opening up my mind to all the possibilities. That's when I realized what religion has been doing to me- It has been scaring me, clouding my judgments, making me ignorant. I still remember the years when I still just "doubting" the existence of god, I was afraid. I was afraid that couldn't be kind and forgiving and loving person without "god". 

But then I started getting hooked to the internet. I found articles about people getting bullied because of religious people. I guess that was what pushed me to the edge. It didn't make up my mind in just a minute. It was a process. 

I was 14 years old when I started questioning religion.. and now I'm 18 years old and an atheist. And all I can say is, I'm kinder, more forgiving and more loving person than I was when I was a christian. I don't judge people just because a book or a magical god tells me to. I support gender equality. I strongly believe that the LGBTQ community shouldn't be treated differently just because they love who they want to love. I believe in giving women choices. 

I'm glad that I'm an atheist. 

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